The Pen is Mightier than the Whistle Tone

Doctor Lilly Jay: The profound essay read around the world.

Through heartbreak and betrayal, Dr. Lilly Jay put pen-to-paper, and wrote the beautiful Essay: How does my Divorce Make You Feel for TheCut.com.  In sharing her thoughts on the loss of a life planned with her newborn son after a sudden divorce with ex-husband Ethan Slater, Lilly eloquently articulated the painful feelings attributed to the loss of a dream and her anonymity. As a professional psychologist that specializes in Women’s Health, Lilly is the perfect messenger for the words of wisdom she shared- Even if that role was thrust upon her.

Lilly has a brilliant mind and her essay truly resonated with me. In my takeaway, it is clear that she faces adversity with nuance and gives consideration to herself, her patients, and her family, above all else.  She’s also a true giver and perhaps, like many of us, gives grace to others to a fault at times. Giving the benefit of the doubt to people who do not deserve it, because you believe that in treating others with kindness and respect, you will receive it in return. 

People who complete their doctorate are a special kind - 

I see it every day in working with Healthcare providers in my own career. They take on immense workloads and stress during the best years of their lives, with the intention of using their hard work to the benefit of others. Often, putting their own lives on hold to accomplish something that many cannot. Doctors often go above-and-beyond to help their patients feel any sense of comfort, trust, and hope. Hope is an immense thing to have- The ability to give it to other is a gift. 

Dr. Lilly Jay touched on the effects of her very public divorce on her career, stating:

“Traditionally, therapists rigorously protect this [anonymity] for our patients with clear boundaries. By reducing the white noise of personal information, or self-disclosures, therapists provide patients with a unique opportunity to feel connected to another person by care alone.” 

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Ariana Grande shocked many with the sudden divorce of her own husband, Dalton Gomez, on September 18th 2024. Shortly after, Ethan followed suit- Texting Lilly, who had moved from the United States to London with their two-month-old son to support Ethan's acting role in Wicked, that he wanted a divorce. Soon enough, Ariana and Ethan were seen publicly displaying their new-found relationship.

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater may receive the praises for following their scripts as they’re paid to do- 

But they will never know the joy of conjuring a treatment plan that finally worked for a treatment-resistant patient. 

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater may make millions for shilling a product-  

But they will never be the reason a poor mother was able to receive healthcare because they stayed up all night writing appeal letters and peer-to-peer reviews to plead with insurance companies to lend aid.

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater may sail off into a bubble filled sunset- 

But they will never be the role models in Lilly and Ethan’s son’s eyes of a healthy foundation of a relationship. One day he will be grown up and, like all of us, come to understand the family history that made him who he is. Quicker than not, the excitement of the Wicked movies will fade with time. When the camera's turn off and the sets are broken down, the whimsical lands of Oz will no longer be able to conceal the harshness that is reality. Reality being: a son that will grow up in a split household. One that was once happy and filled with hope. Ariana and Ethan took that hope for themselves, instead.

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Dr. Lilly, I am rooting for you. In your personal and professional life- I know you will do amazing things because you find joy in other people’s joy. You find success in other people’s success and that is a trait to be cherished. It will carry you and your son so far in this life. 

In time, it will make all the difference.